(SEXIST, RACIST) OFFICER DAVE AND JACK THE (HOMOPHOBIC) HIGH SCHOOL QUARTERBACK
By Mary Wright (me)
(DISCLAIMER: There are no slurs in this. The -isms and -phobic stuff is more implied than anything else. Enjoy this ridiculous portrayal of the real world, turned into fiction. With it being #NationalComingOutDay, and also that the stuff in #Ferguson is ongoing, this idea was formed.)
He stared hard at the table as he tried to recall his attackers. The cold metal table reflected the light shining from the ceiling. His arm shook as he tried to look cool while pushing the blond hair out of his eyes. First though, he felt he had to set the scene so the police department would understand where he was coming from.
“He, he was with another guy, you know, I thought they were bros, officer –“ he began, his pale face contorted into a shape of worry and fear, “But they weren’t bros. They were, were….” Jack looked up finally, putting his hands up with a shrug.
“Gay?” asked the cop.
“I mean, yeah. They were holding hands. Like. They looked…..happy.”
“Jack. Were they actually attacking you?” the cop asked, crossing his arms, “’cause it seems to me like you just felt overwhelmed with the whole situation. You were walking down the sidewalk you told me. And they were just walking too, is that right?”
Jack’s bottom lip quivered. “It’s not fair. That they get to be happy and not me. And besides, they’re scary.”
“They didn’t hurt you.”
“Debra broke up with me and told me I was an idiot last night!” Jack sobbed, his blue eyes watery.
“Get it together, man.” The cop demanded, “It’s enough that women come in here crying after a man had stated his intentions too clearly.”
“You’re right, Dave. I’m sorry.” Jack said quickly. “It’s just. They want to ruin my life. You know they do.”
“How’s that? All I’m hearing is genuine jealousy,” said Dave.
“I’m not jealous. It’s just. Before I called the station, they, they, were kissing. Right there! In front of me! And I thought of Debra. Oh, they are SO going to hell.”
“Jack, you aren’t thinking right. You still playing football?”
“’Course I am, Dave.”
“Wonderful. Atta boy. You still gotta know that they really did nothing to hurt you.”
“Maybe they were going to, though!”
“Now you’re paranoid, Jack. End this madness.” Said Dave. “As much as I like seeing how the best high school football quarterback is doing, this has been a waste of my time.”
“Speak up, c’mon.”
“I didn’t tell you the worst part.”
“What?” asked Dave, putting his hand near his gun on his hip in anticipation.
“One of the bros….uh, not-bros, was…..a thug. He was black.”
Rage suddenly filled Dave’s previously Caucasian face. “And you didn’t SHOOT him? Why didn’t you SHOOT him? He is a danger to everyone! All thugs are!”
“I panicked, officer. I just, ran. For my safety.”
“You have jeopardized ALL of us. I gave you that gun license and handgun for a REASON.” said Dave. “You’ve just made my job more complicated.” He sighed in disgust. “Jack, if you wanna be a cop like me, you gotta know who to shoot.”
There was a knock on the door, and Dave grabbed his gun. “Who’s there?”
“We don’t need any woman’s thoughts right now, dear. Go back to your filing of your nails, or whatever.”
A key turned the lock, and the door swung open.
“YOU!” she said pointing at him. “YOU are a sexist! It is almost comically ridiculous if it weren’t so hurtful.”
“Aw, Jack, her little feelings are hurt.”
“Evidence right there,” she muttered with a sigh. “And you, Jack.”
“You should be happy. I know about Debra. But guess what? That doesn’t mean you need to be afraid of gay people all of a sudden.”
“They’re scary, though.”
“No, Jack, you’re just jealous. And religious. That’s a bad combo.”
“Oooh, you’re in trouble now. Wouldn’t want to be on her bad side.”
“You’ve never BEEN on my GOOD side, Dave. You’re just too privileged to see that. Speaking of privilege, we heard you talking about black people.”
“Yeah? So? Thugs, am I right?”
“Actually, stupid, you are completely wrong,” Megan said, “And racist.”
“Do you like Megan yelling at you? Cuz I don’t.” Dave said to Jack.
“You aren’t LISTENING! But I guess that’s just how you are. I’m going to quit…..”
“Aw, such a beautiful piece of woman as yourself should….”
“….but before I do, things are going to change around here.”
Megan gave her two weeks’ notice, and in that time, justice was served. Dave was no longer Officer Dave, as his badge and gun was taken away from him after hearing him talk about ‘thugs’.
Jack got back together with Debra, while learning that actually, he WAS jealous, and although he was brought up to believe gay people were scary, most of it in fact WAS that he was jealous. It was the next month that he learned his best friend was gay, and so after an initial freak out, he got better at thinking that hey, gay people should be all happy and kissing too.
(In real life, justice is not always served, and acceptance is not always granted. Actually, most of the time, it isn’t. There is a reason why they call it fiction.)