(Read Part 1 here.)
This post is a testament to what occurs when mental overload happens. It is currently 11:40 EST for me (when I started writing this) and that means there’s 20 minutes left in this day. Forgetfulness is what happens when you have so much work to do and you don’t do it because of anxiety and then wait until the last minute and you have anxiety then as well, but it’s even worse. Which makes you forget other things – like writing your Sunday Mental Health post.
I have two more weeks of school. Two more weeks until summer. I haven’t counted down the days ever before in my whole “education”, but I’m doing it now. It’s not the professors. They’re great. But it’s the fact that I have 2 papers, 2 exams, 1 essay (haha, due tomorrow morning!), 1 short story, 1 portfolio, and 8 days of social anxiety left. And that list? That’s for my sake, mostly. For me to remember what I have to get done.
Many times this past month I have asked myself whether I want sleep or to do my work. And I’ve chosen work almost every time. Not because I want to, but I need to. As much as my mental state needs to be intact, not doing work – and choosing sleep – would give me even more anxiety. So what am I? Sleep-deprived. What will I be in two weeks? Well-rested. I’m hoping it doesn’t get to a point where people ask me what I did over the summer, and I only answer with “Sleep.”
I’m on the fence about whether I will write this essay that I need to write. Maybe I’ll just write as much as I can, then say that’s enough and hand it in knowing I did something. A word count requirement – 750 words – is what’s making me think that I won’t do it. But we’ll just have to see. Sure, I’ll get more sleep, but at what cost of my mental well-being? It seems like whatever I choose, I can never win.
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